Why men are seldom depressed
With apologies to lady golfers – there is plenty of good content here to convert into one-liners to add to your golf speech!
Men Are Just Happier People — What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never
be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can
wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The
world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another Petrol
station lavvie because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to
stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress £2500. Morning suit rental-£125.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them. New
shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the
time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know
stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the
slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, He
or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is £4.95 for a
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap
problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle
lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and
neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair
of shoes — one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter
how your legs look. You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife. You
have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do
Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. No
wonder men are happier.
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately
refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw
in £20, even though it’s only for £38.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
· A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn’t need but
it’s on sale.
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and
toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom
is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She
knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite
foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two
people remembering the same thing!